Instead

“Instead is a beautiful meditation on the often unspoken and unexamined concerns of women without kids: nonconformity, choices, belonging, legacy, and the children who are not ‘ours’ but who are integral to our lives. A generous and honest portrait of a trail-blazing child-free life.” —Ruby Warrington, author of Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood, Material Girl, Mystical World and several others

“A personal memoir as courageous and bold as the many expeditions that have carried Maria Coffey to all corners of the world.” —Wade Davis, anthropologist, explorer, author of Magdalena: River of Dreams, Into the Silence and The Wayfinders among many others

“Instead tracks Maria Coffey’s adventurous life and her decision not to have children amid both external and internal pressures. A masterful storyteller, Coffey grants her readers a compelling and honest look at the factors that bring her to this decision time and again, as well as the benefits and consequences of choosing the “childfree” life. A beautifully written memoir, Instead also reflects on how we choose a lover and lifestyle, the complexities of intergenerational relationships, and the meaning of motherhood itself. This is a powerful book for anyone who has contemplated their own unpopular choices or wants a glimpse down a road not travelled.” —Meghan J. Ward, author of Lights to Guide Me Home: A Journey Off the Beaten Track in Life, Love, Adventure, and Parenting

“Instead turned my armchair into a kayak, my coffee table into a paddle, and got me traveling around the world: Canada, India, Malawi, Vietnam, Kenya, Solomon Islands… I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was with “Ma-ri-ah” in every bay, river, sea, ocean and lake, and when I reached the last page, it was hard to let go of her hand. A stunning memoir that honors its title and generously takes the reader along in the adventures – as well as the personal conflict, social stigma and unparalleled freedom – of a childfree life.” —Nicole Louie, writer, translator and curator of stories of women without children in literature and visual arts

“Maria Coffey’s poignant story shows us that there is not just one path in life, but many that can bring joy, connection, love and community. Like a true adventure guide, she invites us to explore hidden places that society’s conventions say are off limits, especially to women. And she reminds us that there are many ways to compose a rich life. This book, a love letter to the untracked trail, is quietly provocative, beckoning readers to nurture their spirit of adventure.” —Eva Dienel, founder of The Life I Want project

“Instead is a deft, utterly readable memoir about one of the most profound decisions a human being can make: the decision not to have children. The world has a nasty bias against that decision, because it suggests, when undertaken by serious and adventurous people like Maria Coffey and her partner, that a life being lived can be as valuable as a new life might be, and that the present might be just as important as the future. Needless to say, it’s a huge subject and requires a writer of great courage who can tell a story beautifully, but never turns away from the gravity of the decision and its life-altering consequences. Thankfully, Maria Coffey is exactly that kind of writer.” —Ian Brown, award-winning author of The Boy in the Moon, Sixty and numerous others.

“Maria is a personal role model and a beacon of hope for anyone who’s ever wondered what a life without children could look like. Instead shines a light on the adventures that lie beyond the horizon of a conventional existence, and all the loss, love and longing to experience more that a life lived differently can bring.” —Zoe Noble, founder of We are Childfree

“This book is my favourite bird: a heron, one foot on land and one foot in the water. You watch as it lifts off, full of grace. Maria Coffey’s writing is unparalleled. Here she turns her attention to risk, joy, freedom and the complex business of navigating a life. Life-and-death moments, ordinary moments, each a part of the other. I felt grateful as I read, full of hope.” —Helen Mort, award-winning author of A Line Above the Sky: On Mountains and Motherhood, The Illustrated Woman, No Map Could Show Them and many others

“To embark on the journey of parenthood (or not) stands among the most poignant decisions we must face, yet the doubts, worries, hopes and second-guessing tend to live in the shadows. Never have I seen such profound questions explored as deeply and humanly as in this compelling memoir. On a larger stage, all of life’s major intersections – children, partners, careers – mark us with a lingering, muffled awareness of other possible journeys, sister vessels, ways we might have lived differently. By so gently and caringly untangling her own journey, Maria’s book offers a meditation on moving forward, a reminder that disparate paths have a way of reconverging, and a reassurance that whether we can see it or not right now, ultimately we are all on a journey to becoming the person we were meant to be.” —Bruce Kirkby, author of Blue Sky Kingdom, Sand Dance and The Dolphin’s Tooth

“I wanted to be a mother more than I’ve ever wanted anything, and my children are the greatest happiness in my life. In that way, I am not at all the ideal reader for Instead. But I absolutely love this multi-genre book and its encouragement to find your own best life and seize it with enthusiasm. What an inspiring, unconventional big life Maria Coffey has led! I’m grateful for this memoir, with its generous and vivid sharing of those adventures – rewards and costs, joys and sorrows. I already can’t wait to read Instead again. In prose as immersive and engaging as my favourite novels, Maria Coffey encourages women everywhere to do the hard work of unburdening themselves from society’s expectations so they can freely and truly follow their own hearts.” —Angie Abdou, author of This One Wild Life: A Mother–Daughter Wilderness Memoir, The Bone Cage, and others

“A stunning memoir that redefines notions of womanhood, motherhood and, most crucially, selfhood. Coffey reminds us of the power of community and shows how familial fulfillment can be achieved in unconventional ways.” —Natalie Berry, widely published freelance journalist, editor of UKClimbing.com

“Whether she says yes or no to having children, the question of maternity shapes every woman’s life. Maria Coffey has written with great heart, wit and honesty about her decision to live a child-free life, including the gains and losses of that decision. Instead is both a thrilling adventure story and an intimate memoir about a couple in love with each other and with the wide world.” —Marni Jackson, author of The Mother Zone

“Maria Coffey’s ability to leave me feeling like I had salt in my hair and sand between my toes is testimony to her beautiful storytelling. Open, raw and vulnerable, yet also very flowing and peaceful. And with great respect shown to the cultures she travelled through.” —Ali Hall, founder of Childfree By Choice, via Twitter